Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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