Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
