Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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