All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
