why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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