How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
