After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
