I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
