what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My cat gives me a boner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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