this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
