i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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