shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
