Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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