You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
