Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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