a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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