I didn't shave. On purpose
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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