I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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