Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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