Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize