For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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