New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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