I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize