I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize