I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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