what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
