It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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