Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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