so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
