Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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