They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
