bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
