I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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