Apparently you make a good broom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
