I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are two peas in an std pod
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
