you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
