that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
