I want to make a zoo with you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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