i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
