Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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