I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
