What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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