Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize