you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
