No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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