He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
