do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
