You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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