did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
