How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
