my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
