Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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