now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
