whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
