theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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