The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
