pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
