There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
