i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
