Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize