your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
