i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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