I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
