Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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