You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
