JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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