Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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