Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
