we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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