it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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