I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
